Abby and Eason,
Not too far into my marriage, my husband decided I needed to make more money. It was a topic that we disagreed about.
My heart’s desire was that we lived on one income and use the money I was making in that season to save for our children’s college, braces, cars, and stuff like that. I really wanted us to have the discipline to live on one income, and his income was pretty high for a recent college graduate.
While he agreed that it would be great if I stayed home when we had kids, he wasn’t sold on the idea of living on one income. He wanted me to make as much money as possible right now so that we would have a cushion if I ever did start staying home.
Plus, he really struggled with the fact that my job (at the nutraceutical company) was so easy and his job was so demanding. I knew his job was hard and tried to help him with the things I could. But, I didn’t really know how to be a great sounding board for him emotionally. And, I think that is what he needed back then.
Either way, he asked me to take a job teaching gymnastics again so that I could provide another source of income. I really didn’t want to because all of my working hours would be when he was home, but I eventually agreed. (That was a mistake that would lead to extreme consequences in our relationship).
I enjoyed the job a lot. I actually had the opportunity to identify gymnastics talent in young children (5-7 years old) and develop them into competitive gymnasts. Some of the kids I worked with went on to get college scholarships and compete at Olympic trials. Some even were chosen to be in the top 100 gymnasts to watch in their age group.
It was a rewarding job because I really got to help young kids create a vision for their gymnastics, and I also got to teach older children who were competing.
But, the job came at a cost. I eventually ran the whole gym. I would get home at like 10:00 pm. My marriage suffered. Our communication suffered. The cost of the job was too high. We had placed money at a higher importance than our marriage, and eventually that story would end in divorce.
Schedules are tough. I never had anyone in college tell me to consider what shift I would work when I got a degree. But, I intrinsically knew it.
And, I guess that is the lesson from that job. You have to know your priorities. When they get out of order (like us choosing money over our relationship) there will be consequences. So, how can you find a career that helps you achieve your goals. How can work be a priority in your life, but not the highest priority?
I love you both very much and know you will make great career decisions.
Mom