Abby and Eason,
Again, this is not a topic I am an expert about, but I am happy to share my personal experience and my thoughts. You can decide if it is good advice.
Today, I want to write to you about my wedding ceremony. Even though we are not married any longer, I believe that our wedding ceremony was absolutely perfect.
I think it is important to remember that the wedding ceremony is not about the event or people or beautiful facilities. It is about you and your spouse making a commitment before Jesus. The Bible says, “and the two shall become one flesh; so they are no longer two, but one flesh” (Mark 10:8, NASB, from Gen. 2:24)
Marriage is a commitment that joins two people to become one. It is not designed to be broken. There is only one commitment that is more intimate than marriage. It is the decision to follow Jesus, become a child of God, and have the Holy Spirit dwell inside of you.
Because I think this commitment is so important, I believe that the wedding ceremony should be arranged in the way that allows the bride and the groom to best focus on Jesus.
For me and my fiance (at the time), that was a small ceremony. I will tell you why in a moment, but I have to be honest that when we chose a small ceremony, it wasn’t for the reasons I am going to mention. We weren’t that mature or wise at the time.
But, being older now and looking back, here is why our ceremony was perfect.
I am a very introverted extrovert. (Literally, on a test my counselor gave me I ended up as 50/50). But, my extroverted side is most comfortable in small groups. I know how to manage large groups and can pull out my extrovert if I need to. (I have learned this through having to do so at tons of work events). But, again, naturally I prefer small groups. I don’t naturally like attention; it makes me feel self conscious.
My fiance was more extroverted than me, but he had a very strong need for approval. So, in front of a crowd, he performed. Alone, he was different and more genuine.
Because we both struggled with crowds, it wasn’t ideal to have a large wedding. (There was a lot more factors than are in this letter that made that decision back then). But, a small wedding would allow us to be focused on each other and Jesus.
Our ceremony had maybe 10 people which included the pastor and his wife, a photographer, and a limo driver. I have never once regretted the ceremony being small.
Another thing we did really well was choose a venue that would allow us to focus on the wedding, not the preparation. There was a spot in the woods that I used to go pray. To get there, you hiked over a small pond, through the woods, and to a hill where someone had turned two logs into a cross. I loved the spot and visited it often. Beside the cross was a trickling stream that made the most amazing background noise ever.
On our wedding day, we took pictures by the pond, then we went to the woods for the ceremony. We sang worship songs, prayed, and sought Jesus. Then, we said our marriage vows. During the ceremony, it had started to rain, but the trees covered us from most of the rain.
Walking back (in a wedding dress) we were rained on and listened to the sound of the rain hitting the water in the pond. It was really perfect and the best day I could have ever asked for.
After that, we had planned to sit by the pond and eat cake, but that wasn’t the best idea in the rain, so we went to a friend’s house. It was a great time to talk and enjoy the people who had stood with us as witnesses of our commitment.
All of that to say. Your #1 priority is to keep the commitment you are making to each other, before Jesus, the focus. There are a lot of different ways to conduct a wedding ceremony, and there isn’t a right or wrong way as long as Jesus is the focus. So, when you begin to plan, think about what will help you and your spouse focus on Jesus. That will be your perfect way to conduct the wedding ceremony.
I love you both!
Mom