Abby and Eason,
I want to keep writing you letters as I process through this season. My hope is that one day when you’re older, they will be something that might help you in a tough season in your lives.
Today I want to talk about emotions during times of pain or trouble.
I think there is a tendency to believe that our emotions have more power than they do. If we aren’t careful, we can even give them the power of identity.
Here is an example. Right now, I am crying a lot. I am crying because I am hurting and in emotional pain. There are times that I have even thought maybe I am depressed. But, I am not. (I have been before so I know that I am not now).
Emotions are strong and can feel powerful, but they aren’t your gauge. In this season, I could embrace an identity of being depressed. I could play that out and go through a depression cycle. But, thankfully, I have enough experience with my own emotions to know that isn’t where I am right now.
I think it is important that you realize your emotions only have as much power as you give them.
So, where am I right now? What power, if any, am I giving my emotions? What do I do with the fact that I am crying daily?
Well, I start by realizing that my emotions are a gift from God. They remind me of what I am feeling and give me the chance to be authentic and present my emotions back to Jesus. First Peter 5:17 encourages us to cast all of our anxieties on Jesus because He cares for us.
Right now, where I am is that I am carrying a lot of emotional pain – sadness, confusion, anger, etc. Those emotions are coming out in tears.
When I cry, I go to my Dad. I read Scripture, pray, and sit quietly with Him. I don’t try to stop the tears. They are how I feel, and I know I can be safe with Him when I cry. So, I cry and cry and cry.
The other thing I am doing right now is allowing myself extra time with Jesus. Sometimes, this time is coming at the expense of something that is hard to give up, like work hours. I feel pressure to get my work done and if I am needing extended hours per day with Jesus, I feel the pressure of how I can do it all. (I am giving you the work example because I want you to know it is costing me something. If I was just giving up “free time” that wouldn’t be as costly. But, in our world, when I don’t work, we don’t have money coming in. So it cost something. And, it is worth every single bit of the cost).
What I am not doing in this season is giving my emotions power to tell me who I am. I am casting my emotions back to Jesus. And, my identity is securely placed in Him.
Jesus can lead me through this season. He created me and my emotions. He is my guide.
Sometimes, He sends His people to talk to me. I have spoken with two different counselor friends and two pastors during this season. Talking to them is an important part of this process. When I am honest with them, I allow them to speak to me, in Christ love, and tell me if they see me falling into emotional traps that I don’t need to be in. I allow them to challenge me to give things to Jesus that I might still be holding onto.
So, I guess what I am saying is that what I am doing right now with the fact that I am crying daily is that I am accepting it. I am accepting that I have a Father who knew I would feel strong emotions. I have a Father who is willing to be my Dad and listen to me express the emotions. He doesn’t need me to “fix” my emotions before releasing them to Him. I just need to come and be with Him.
I am also allowing others to be in my life. I have a lot of people who know that I am struggling. They are praying for me. I am honest with them when they ask me questions. I am allowing them to speak into my life if they see me falling into emotional traps.
And, finally, In this season I am handling the fact that I am crying daily by letting myself cry. It is where I am. This season won’t go on forever, but it is where I am today.
I love you both!
Mom