Abby and Eason,
You know my favorite verse is Jeremiah 31:3. I love the image of the loving kindness of God drawing us. And it is that same loving kindness that leads us to repentance (Romans 2:3-4).
Forgiveness is an act of love. When we realize how great Jesus’ love is for us, we ask Him for forgiveness. His kindness is what draws us to that point.
I think as humans we try to reverse that. The verse in Romans 2:3 talks about that. It says we pass judgement and do the same thing. We look for fairness and justice. We try to pretend that we deserve to receive certain things or be treated a certain way.
I did this after my marriage ended (and before). In my pride, I wanted to pretend that “poor me” had had her marriage end. I wanted to pretend that I wasn’t passing judgement when I was at fault for the same thing. As I have said in the last two letters, the core issues in our marriage were the same from the beginning to the end.
It is easy to pass judgement. It is easy to blame your spouse. It is easy to measure the “size of the wrong.” But, the truth is there is no size. We have all sinned and fallen short of the glory of God (Romans 3:23).
We all desperately need Jesus to help us.
Forgiving my husband wasn’t something I came to easily. Forgiving myself was even harder.
It was the loving kindness of Jesus that drew me to Him. As I experienced the fullness of His love and the kindness of His person, I began to see the need for forgiveness.
I needed Jesus to forgive me for not keeping a commitment I had made before Him.
I needed Jesus to forgive me for an array of sins I committed during my marriage.
I needed Jesus to forgive me for my intense independence that never asked Him for help.
I needed lots and lots of forgiveness from Jesus.
And, Jesus’ love and forgiveness filled the hole in my heart that I had tried to fill for so long. The hole that needed Him all along.
His love and kindness helped me see the need to forgive myself and my husband. And, I did.
My challenge to you in this letter is this – you can learn about Jesus’ forgiveness for yourself and your (one day) spouse before your marriage ends. Forgiveness is a critical part of marriage. It begins with experiencing the loving kindness of Jesus.
Spend time with Him. Fall in love with Jesus before you fall in love with anyone else. Know that He IS drawing you, every single day, with His loving kindness. He is the author of love.
You will need to be forgiven in your marriage. Your husband will need to be forgiven. This will happen over and over and over. Learn about forgiveness from the only one who is able to offer it unconditionally.
I love you both.
Mom