Abby and Eason,
Before I met Jesus, I was in charge of my life. I worked hard to make sure I looked good and did everything right. Anyone saying otherwise challenged my view of myself and made me work harder and harder to prove I was a good person.
I was working so hard because I knew I had a lot of things in my life that were not right. And, I thought that if I was good enough and worked hard enough, then maybe people would see me as good.
But I never felt like a “good person”. I felt lonely, inadequate, and like nothing I did would ever be enough. I carried a lot of shame about my past. I believed that if people knew who I was then they would judge me.
When I met Jesus all of that changed. I remember the day I accepted Jesus. I remember praying and inviting Him to be my Lord. I remember confessing with my mouth that Jesus was Lord and believing in my heart that He had risen from the dead.
I also remember being confused. In religious communities, I had heard about “accepting Jesus.” I wasn’t sure exactly how it worked. I had prayed to accept Jesus almost daily for many years. I knew I needed Him. I knew my life was a mess. But, I didn’t know how to “accept Him.” I knew that when I prayed, over and over, for him to come into my life, nothing changed.
Until that night.
That night, I believed in Jesus. Every prayer before that night I had come to Jesus in shame, begging for His acceptance, but thinking I could be good enough to get it. I believed that if I told Him over and over how bad I was that He would accept me.
But, accepting Jesus isn’t about me. It’s all about Him. Jesus is the one who came to earth and lived a perfect life. Jesus is the one who was crucified. Jesus is the one who conquered sin and rose from the dead. It’s all about what Jesus has to offer.
Jesus’ offer is reunification with the Father. He can offer it because He paid for our sins. I can never be good enough for it. I can never work hard enough. But Jesus can offer it freely because He is victorious. He is the only one who can place us back in a right relationship with God.
It is in Jesus’ perfect life and perfect sacrifice that my second foundation is found. My second foundational belief is this – I am forgiven and live in the freedom of that forgiveness.
Jesus paid for my sins. His sacrifice made a way for me to become a child of God. In that, I can let go of the shame of my sins and live in the identity I have been given as a child of God. Shame wants to tell me that I can make it right. Shame wants to tell me that if I work hard enough I can eventually be good. Jesus tells me that He already restored a right relationship between me and the Father. Jesus tells me that it is a gift He chose to give me, not something I could ever earn.
As I learn to trust Jesus and accept His gift to me, I learn that His love for me is wild. He wants me to find an identity in Him. I can live in freedom. I don’t have the ability to pay for my past. I simply can trust that Jesus did and live in the freedom that my past is paid.
I love you both so much!
Mom