Abby and Eason,
While I was working for the professor, I also taught gymnastics to a local competitive team. What I loved most about this job is that they would let me come in during hours that I was not teaching and do gymnastics. This was a major stress relief for me.
At the onset of the competitive season, I was asked to choreograph the routines of the competitive team members. For most events, choreographing routines isn’t hard. You simply find skills that flow together well and look good. Even beam, that requires a little bit of dance, is primarily skills. But, floor routines require dance and gymnastics.
I was good at dance skills. Dance skills and leaps were able to be mastered. But, the free dance that occurred between gymnastics and dance skills was not my strength. It requires you to relax and let your body help you tell a story.
And I didn’t feel comfortable relaxing and letting my body move. I had been through years and years of abuse, and I wanted 100% control over my body. I wanted to do a skill and know exactly what it should feel like and if I had done it with precision.
But, I knew I had to figure it out because it was my responsibility to create floor routines for the team. I started to work on it, and it was hard. I would move around and try to see the routine in my head so that my body only had to mirror what I had mapped in my head.
I couldn’t do it. So, I asked a friend of mine who had been a male gymnast growing up to come help me.
Together, we got silly. We mixed music and planned dance moves. We laughed when things looked stupid and bounced ideas off one another.
Somehow, it didn’t seem as hard when I had help. I was able to get past my fears of moving weirdly and find combinations that looked right for the music.
When we finally finished, I felt a sense of accomplishment. I had faced a big fear and had worked through it.
The lesson I learned is about help. I faced a challenge that was hard for me. I had lots of fear about doing the work I was asked to do. I felt like I was failing. But, when my friend helped me, my mind shifted. I was no longer alone. I could relax and be silly.
Sometimes, we simply have to ask for help. We have to admit that we can’t do the thing we need to do and allow others to meet us in that place and help us move forward.
I love you both!
Mom