Abby and Eason,
I didn’t think I was going to write about this in the letters because it isn’t about the core topics I was writing about in the marriage letters. But, I thought about it, and I think it is important.
This is a harder letter, so please read it when you are ready.
Before I start, I wanted to tell you why I am writing this. Sex is everywhere in our society. It’s alluded to on TV; it is accepted in all relationships, not just marriage ones; it is abused and often people are preyed upon to get it. We have made the topic of sex common and accessible to all.
It wasn’t intended to be that way. God intended for sex to be in marriage. He intended for the intimacy of two people becoming one to be for a husband and a wife.
Through many different circumstances, we can find ourselves far from what God intended.
For me, it started as a young child. I experienced things God never intended. And, those experiences impacted me, not just when they were occurring but until this day.
Because I hadn’t allowed Jesus to heal me from those experiences, my husband had to deal with the pain of those experiences too. Marriage and sex were very hard for both of us, especially me.
I wanted to believe that I could just put the abuse behind me. After all, I was married, and my husband loved me. Surely, the past wouldn’t matter any more.
It did. I think my husband would have told you that it mattered a lot.
And the lesson – It seems like all of the marriage lessons go back to the same thing – seek Jesus. This was another area where I had not sought Jesus. (I didn’t even know Him). I hadn’t dealt with the past. I hadn’t allowed Him to heal me.
If I could do it again, I would give myself the advice I am about to give you.
You need to be honest with your spouse about your sexual history. (Everything, not just abuse). You need to face it, get counseling, and spend a lot of time with Jesus talking to Him about it.
Jesus can heal you from your past. You have to talk to Him, seek forgiveness if necessary, and allow Him to heal the way that only He can.
I hope that you remain a virgin until marriage. I hope that you never have to face a sexual assault. I hope that you are never abused. But, if you find yourself needing forgiveness or healing, Jesus is ready to embrace you. Let your significant other talk through this with you before you guys get married. Seek counseling alone, then together. Wait to be married until after you have processed your trauma alone. (Your spouse needs to know how to support you, but you have to do the hard work of dealing with the trauma. Jesus is your strength).
And, if you find yourself in a place that the sexual experiences accepted in this world have not damaged you, celebrate! I hope you present yourself to your spouse on your wedding night as a virgin. But, even when you do, know this. This world has taught you a lot about sex that simply isn’t true. It has taught you to look at sex as a common place interaction, instead of a beautiful union in a marriage.
Spend time with Jesus learning how he created the union of man and woman. Learn to view your spouse through the eyes of what Jesus created.
I love you both!
Mom