Abby and Eason,
It’s easy to fight. Culture teaches us to stand up for what we believe – to use our voices, to celebrate our differences. And, I agree (when we remember our identity is in Jesus). We should be bold about who we are and what we believe. But, before taking action, we have to pause and ask ourselves what we are standing up for.
\Many times I have almost entered a fight, a battle I believed was worth fighting. Many times they have been about you – what I believed you deserved or how you should be treated. You know, “Mamma Bear” protective things.
But, sometimes, I have been wise enough to stop and ask the Holy Spirit what the real battle I was about to fight was. Rarely is it what we immediately see. And, fighting the wrong battle leads to, at best, temporary peace.
I am going to give you an example that might be hard to read. Right now, our family faces the giant of two masses. The masses could be cancer or just masses. It would be easy to begin battle – to pray without ceasing for the Lord to eliminate any potential cancer inside of me. And, of course that request is my heart’s desire. But, it isn’t my battle. Cancer or no cancer won’t change this season of my life. If it was cancer and the Lord miraculously healed me, I would be grateful. But, the battle that I won would be temporary.
What wouldn’t change is that the number of days I will be on this earth. That is already set and known by the Father. Cancer doesn’t have any power over that. Jesus knew me and the number of my days here before I was ever formed in my mother’s womb.
Thankfully, this weekend I was able to pause and ask the Lord what my real battle is.
For me, the battle is to speak, to use my voice to share the name of Jesus, to make every day count. While I want my days on earth, with you, to be long, what I want more is for them to matter for eternity.
So, in this season, I can fight for health or I can fight for eternity. I believe the Lord built my body in His image. I don’t need to fight for health. He knows my heart’s desire. I choose to trust Him for each day. But, I do need to fight my own tendency to be quiet. The Lord is working around us each day, and I want the world to see that.
I want the world to see the full story – not the beginning and the end. The story of His love that surrounds us every single day no matter what is happening in our lives. The story of His lovingkindness that leads us to repentance. The story of a Savior that sacrificed Himself for our eternity.
So, if sharing that story happens in a chemo room, I want to be there. If that story happens on this blog, I want to be there. I want to be wherever the Lord places me.
Yes, I am normal. I desire not to have to take the hard path to sharing. I desire for it not to be in a chemo room. But, what if that room is where the Lord sends me? I desire even more to be where He places me.
So, I am not fighting potential cancer. I am fighting my tendency to be quiet. I am challenging myself to speak boldly for the name of Jesus.
One last thing. I am not telling you how to pray. I want you to talk to Jesus. If you feel He is leading you to ask that this is not cancer, do that. Maybe the lesson he has for you is to learn to come to Him as a child and ask for what you want. Always pray your heart desire when you talk to Jesus. As you do, He will lead you.
I love you tremendously!
Mom